Welcome From Señor CB (or Mr. Cheap Bastard en Inglés)
Welcome to the Cheap Bastard's Clearance Utopia! As someone who is like the Teen Wolf of cheapness - my acute episodes of frugality cannot be predicted, and I am utterly powerless to stop them - I have come to realize that people seem to have an insatiable appetite for well-crafted (but terrifyingly true) tales of Cheap Bastardry (or CB). Through my ad nauseum retellings of the myriad adventures propelled by my chronically tight fist, I've also determined beyond a reasonable doubt that such stories digest well with your favorite alcoholic beverage.
So grab your favorite forty ounces of choice - the cheapest way per ounce to purchase beer because its the most efficient form of packaging - and prepare to be amused, confounded, and stunned to the point where you shake your head and laugh uncontrollably while muttering "CHEAP Bastard!" or "What a CB, dude!"
So what's in this site for you?
Well, you'll never see the clearance jelly of the month at your local retailer posted here. I considered making this blog a clearinghouse of local deal, but decided against it. Too much work, too many others doing it. Rather, I'm out for the humor that can only come from someone who lives, breathes, and emits CB. Without ever having to clip a coupon or dig through a clearance bin, you'll get into the control room that regulates the mind of a cheap bastard - think the last skit in Woody Allen's Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask, where Burt Reynolds runs the control room of a male character's brain as he tries to score with a female accomplice (Woody plays an insecure sperm). In a nutshell, exposure to this blog could prove enlightening...or just downright annoying. But how will you know until you explore the CB within?
So again, welcome to The Cheap Bastard's Clearance Utopia. And remember...
The red tag buried at the bottom of the clearance bin tucked may be...YOU
Señor CB
*Spanish translations available upon delivery of at least one complimentary burrito (MUST INCLUDE AVOCADO) to Señor CB.
So grab your favorite forty ounces of choice - the cheapest way per ounce to purchase beer because its the most efficient form of packaging - and prepare to be amused, confounded, and stunned to the point where you shake your head and laugh uncontrollably while muttering "CHEAP Bastard!" or "What a CB, dude!"
So what's in this site for you?
Well, you'll never see the clearance jelly of the month at your local retailer posted here. I considered making this blog a clearinghouse of local deal, but decided against it. Too much work, too many others doing it. Rather, I'm out for the humor that can only come from someone who lives, breathes, and emits CB. Without ever having to clip a coupon or dig through a clearance bin, you'll get into the control room that regulates the mind of a cheap bastard - think the last skit in Woody Allen's Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask, where Burt Reynolds runs the control room of a male character's brain as he tries to score with a female accomplice (Woody plays an insecure sperm). In a nutshell, exposure to this blog could prove enlightening...or just downright annoying. But how will you know until you explore the CB within?
So again, welcome to The Cheap Bastard's Clearance Utopia. And remember...
The red tag buried at the bottom of the clearance bin tucked may be...YOU
Señor CB
*Spanish translations available upon delivery of at least one complimentary burrito (MUST INCLUDE AVOCADO) to Señor CB.
posted by Ryan at 11:24 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home