Preying on the CB
The Siren's Song of the "Woot-Off"

I can't wait to get back to work! Day off are dangerous, you see, once it is discovered that the most sinister of all plots to deprive a Cheap Bastard of his sleep is in progress. I speak, of course, of the "Woot-Off". Agonizingly, this site alternates hot-up-in-the-biscuit popular items at CB prices with overpriced refurbished crap by reputed shit-hawkers like RCA. What's the problem? Woot only posts one item at a time, so if a crappy Audiovox portable DVD player takes two hours to sell out, then you're left with nothing to do but watch your retinas burn. Why not walk away, you ask? As any CB can tell you, the despair of walking away and returning to find that you've missed out on a cheap Bluetooth earbud (sold out in five minutes) is simply unfathomable to common folk. Equally obnoxious is the server meltdown the site suffers every time it puts a real juicy winner up for sale.

Happily, I did manage to land a score, though. Who can live without a wireless set of Logitech headphones that free me from the tethers of my computer late at night when I can't wind down from a legendary Steak n Shake 5 PM - 3 AM death grind?

Apparently, I'm not alone, either. All night long, fellow CB's vent their disgust with the latest pile of crap on the block, not sure why they are naturally drawn to participate in this exercise in futility. Anyways, I'm happy to report that even though the "Woot-Off" drags on (no one ever knows when a "Woot-Off" will end, by the way), I must cheerfully excuse myself and go earn some money so that I might then blow it on more delicious "Woots".

A HALLOWEEN ODYSSEY

That's me, the misshapen fat referree (notice the load-bearing chip clip - can you find it?). It wasn't supposed to be this way, of course. The sequence of pictures below will display in excruciating detail my original Halloween plans. I was also contemplating having an underling at The Shake prance around in the middle of Oakton to drum up business. Among my best laid plans...

...if only I could get it out of my basement...

Infrastructure

A skeleton of spaghetti...are you sure this will work?

Slave labor hard at work

Master Shake is full of Cardinals World Series Goodness - can't wait to cover him in paint!

The next Monet hard at work

Master Shake Strikes a Pose

So, Master Shake is now resting comfortably in pieces in a dumpster. Toad Man did finally manage to get the costume outside to scare Trick or Treaters on Halloween. Otherwise, though, this story amounted to a gratuitous waste of three nights and $21.92 in Gesso (bondo/paint for artists). Oh, and my architect and co-conspirator (shown above building the costume) fled for Maryland, leaving behind his car, Xbox 360, DVDs, and shaving cream to be divvied up among those of us who remain.

We wish him well on the cruise ship Norwegian...and will probably not be surprised if he gets bored and returns in a few months asking for his shit back...but the shaving cream is MINE!!!