Game Night on The Pond - The Occasional Necessity of Sacrilege

It is said that the family that plays together, stays together. Down here at the pond, this adage certainly holds true. Unfortunately, our board games tend to bear the brunt of the fallout from this family bonding. Although we bost ample supplies of fresh boxed copies of Toads of Fun, the remainder of our board game collection lies in tatters. Our cherished Rummy Cube set [see above] is a mere shell of its former self. The Toad Man was available to snap this picture because only three tile holders remain intact. Of course, intact hardly implies that they'll stand on their own; only Li'l Q-Pon (CB's sister's street name) - shown at right - had a fully functional setup. Meanwhile, Mama Toad and The CB had to make due with load-bearing candles and - in utter desperation - Menorahs to hold up our pieces. Some may call this sacrilege, but we are constantly being urged to make religion part of our everyday lives - I for one can't think of a better way to do so (and save a few bucks in the process). Lastly, since we're always forgetting whose turn it is, a scary looking porcelain bird straight out of the local thrift store was employed to maintain the order by pointing its beak at whomever's turn it happened to be.

Also of questionable amusement value are the wobbly card table (it just sort of blends into the scene) and mystery stain on The CB's sleeve (Toad Man must have used his magical mystery pink goo to remove the stain whilst I slept, because it has since disappeared).

And lest anyone think that we ever actually throw anything out, I implore you to join us for a game of Super Scrabble (a homogenous mixture of two incomplete Deluxe and Classic editions) or Marauder Monopoly (same deal as Scrabble - it gets pretty damn confusing when two players both lay claim to Short Line Railroad and end up throwing down because there are two illegitimate sets of deeds floating around; it also sucks having to pay the School Tax of $150 on two consecutive turns because two decks of Chance! cards were haphazardly thrown together).

The fun isn't limited to games currently on the market, either. Come on down to the Toad Man's lair and play one of his latest board game concoctions duct-taped on top of old Candyland boards and using the latest in game pieces pilfered from a Sorry! box.

We'll save you a space at the table (load-bearing Menorah not included).

Happy Holidays from the Toadman

The CB Holiday Spirit

During this hectic time of year, it's not always possible to devote three hours or more to crafting a full blog post, especially when one is responsible for spreading Steakburger joy to the masses to the tune of 50+ hours per week. Nevertheless, there's always time for a few golden nuggets here and there; as such, I implore you to enjoy with my compliments, "CB's Stocking Stuffers of Random Holiday Wisdom"...

It's interesting to note the many varied approaches to making the most of the holiday season - everyone does it in their own unique way, as illustrated below.


Some people refuse to ever learn lessons (especially Cheap Bastards), insisting that a swanky 4-star hotel is simply offering a Travelzoo deal of a lifetime ($89/night on Michigan Avenue during the heart of the holiday season) because they're chock full of holiday cheer. It shouldn't come as a surprise that they end up huddling for warmth in their hotel room when they discover the heater didn't get its requisite box of coal. They resort to running the shower on "scalding" all night out of desperation - after all, you can't call the maintenance man (you might have to tip him). Thus, Travelzoo specials are only recommended for Cheap Bastards whose girlfriends have been around for a few years (or more) and who are therefore relish sinking to new depths of depravity...



...Meanwhile, other people prefer to forego Cheap Bastardry entirely, instead electing to self-medicate themselves with festive beverages at local dive bars until the stock karaoke action dies at 5 AM...

...And then there are the people who are so keen on getting that one special gift that they tell the whole world and their mother about it...and end up with triple their pleasure (in this case a new level of vanity - literally)...


...But the season is most festive for those who are accustomed to expecting nothing and yet still somehow ending up disappointed (See Madame CB - pictured above). Yes, it's a hard knock life being the girlfriend of a Cheap Bastard - much like plodding through life as a Cub fan. Sure, the highs can be dizzying...it's just that you know not to hold your breath waiting for them. When you receive a snazzy new contraption when all you expected was a bus ticket and a coupon for $1 off an Arby's Reuben, you can't help but light up like a Christmas Tree when your box is stuffed with the truly unexpected, which is what this time of year is all about, after all. But as '84-'85, '98-'99, and '03-'04 repeatedly have taught these tormented souls, true fulfillment is never theirs to enjoy - and next year will be back to business as usual...




...For most people, at least - for others, the holidays are a golden opportunity to dump all the crap you got for free on rebate at Walgreens on everyone else (daughters and in-laws make excellent recepticles for endless sticks of deodorant and air fresheners, as evidenced here)...

...And then there's holiday humor - while anyone can buy clothing for the family, it takes someone more twisted than a pretzel to give the gift of boxers that are emblazoned with "Stud Muffin" caricatures (unstylishly sported by Señor CB himself, at left)...the FTC may want to investigate claims of false advertising...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM SENOR CB & FRIENDS!!!