The CB Holiday Spirit

During this hectic time of year, it's not always possible to devote three hours or more to crafting a full blog post, especially when one is responsible for spreading Steakburger joy to the masses to the tune of 50+ hours per week. Nevertheless, there's always time for a few golden nuggets here and there; as such, I implore you to enjoy with my compliments, "CB's Stocking Stuffers of Random Holiday Wisdom"...

It's interesting to note the many varied approaches to making the most of the holiday season - everyone does it in their own unique way, as illustrated below.


Some people refuse to ever learn lessons (especially Cheap Bastards), insisting that a swanky 4-star hotel is simply offering a Travelzoo deal of a lifetime ($89/night on Michigan Avenue during the heart of the holiday season) because they're chock full of holiday cheer. It shouldn't come as a surprise that they end up huddling for warmth in their hotel room when they discover the heater didn't get its requisite box of coal. They resort to running the shower on "scalding" all night out of desperation - after all, you can't call the maintenance man (you might have to tip him). Thus, Travelzoo specials are only recommended for Cheap Bastards whose girlfriends have been around for a few years (or more) and who are therefore relish sinking to new depths of depravity...



...Meanwhile, other people prefer to forego Cheap Bastardry entirely, instead electing to self-medicate themselves with festive beverages at local dive bars until the stock karaoke action dies at 5 AM...

...And then there are the people who are so keen on getting that one special gift that they tell the whole world and their mother about it...and end up with triple their pleasure (in this case a new level of vanity - literally)...


...But the season is most festive for those who are accustomed to expecting nothing and yet still somehow ending up disappointed (See Madame CB - pictured above). Yes, it's a hard knock life being the girlfriend of a Cheap Bastard - much like plodding through life as a Cub fan. Sure, the highs can be dizzying...it's just that you know not to hold your breath waiting for them. When you receive a snazzy new contraption when all you expected was a bus ticket and a coupon for $1 off an Arby's Reuben, you can't help but light up like a Christmas Tree when your box is stuffed with the truly unexpected, which is what this time of year is all about, after all. But as '84-'85, '98-'99, and '03-'04 repeatedly have taught these tormented souls, true fulfillment is never theirs to enjoy - and next year will be back to business as usual...




...For most people, at least - for others, the holidays are a golden opportunity to dump all the crap you got for free on rebate at Walgreens on everyone else (daughters and in-laws make excellent recepticles for endless sticks of deodorant and air fresheners, as evidenced here)...

...And then there's holiday humor - while anyone can buy clothing for the family, it takes someone more twisted than a pretzel to give the gift of boxers that are emblazoned with "Stud Muffin" caricatures (unstylishly sported by Señor CB himself, at left)...the FTC may want to investigate claims of false advertising...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM SENOR CB & FRIENDS!!!