An Embarrassment of Riches...Circa 1985

I took a few days to unwind over Christmas, and thoroughly enjoyed the enlightened boredom that is full immersion in family life. With both of the youngest siblings home on break, there was never a truly dull moment. Nevertheless, at some point I must have tired of beating Dr. Pooke (Justin) at Scrabble (he wins bonus points for the word of the day, though: "axolotl" - n an adorable descendant of the salamander), and moseyed on down to the basement to rummage (it should be noted that some rummaging also transpired in the garage when the old man demanded I help him liberate his old exercise bike).

Anyways, the preponderance of hi fidelity you see before you stands among my more peculiar finds. It should be noted that the vast majority of those items displayed are either not functional, or have yet to be tested. Some are missing cords, another lost its will to live at Steak n Shake so I could enjoy my daily Cubs heartache last summer. The remainder, however, were gleaned from the superfluous remnants of our neighbors' stockpile when they moved away a few months ago. I had the ignominy of having been conscripted into service transporting this quasi-swag across the street, and openly wondered what use we had for a decidedly obsolete technology (this is to say nothing of the reel-to-reel player the Toadman also scored in this same haul). Other than Law & Order style criminal interrogation or spontaneous break dancing in the streets, I'm at a loss.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that if you find yourself sitting around watching Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo and feel a sudden urge to rock out with a boombox, I implore you: don't be shy, come on by - and pick up a complimentary piece of history while you're here! Quantities are limited, but to be honest, I don't think they're exactly going fast.

Anyways, on to the teaser. Stay tuned for the first installment of The Corkscrew Chronicles: Amateur Misadventures in the World of Wine. This week's tale: Madame CB Forks the Cork (see below).

Instant Classic

Special thanks to Ste for uncovering this gem and immediately passing it on to all who might enjoy it.

Hanukkah Redux

The Festival of Lights yielded another instant classic this year. Although most of the proceedings transpired without incident, a priceless memory emerged when Ste and Angie gave Grams a gift in a Victoria's Secret bag. Little did they know that Laura had snuck a phallic-shaped gift into the bag at the last minute. As Grams rotated and shook the gift in an effort to size it up, she wisely decided to hedge her bets with the disclaimer, "If this is a sex toy, I'm not interested!" Alas, after a reaction worthy of the Kings of Comedy, the gift (actually a re-gift - Laura definitely shares my blood and is most worth of the street name Li'l Q-Pon) turned out to be a tall soap dispenser pump.

I spent the majority of the night over-eating and trying to spread the CB gospel to the non-believers. Those in most pronounced disagreement with my penchant for driving with the windows barely cracked open on the highway in 95-degree heat to save on gas with my A/C broken were not shy about calling me a moron - it's not the first time. I also had to rehash my whole half-stick of gum debate when Angie became the latest aspirant to come up short in the holy quest for the full stick of Orbit. I am unabashedly proud to say that my single pack of gum lasted me the entire weekend as a result of my economization.

Most importantly, I was finally afforded the opportunity to strut my stuff in my brand new powder-blue t-shirt emblazoned with the CB scripture of "I didn't need this shirt, but I had a coupon". I thought for a shirt like that, it should be discounted from the standard $10 charged by shirt.woot, but when push came to shove I really couldn't argue with a product that is literally "me in a T" (I'll post a picture of my idea of high fashion as soon as I retrieve it from Chicago).

Finally, on the topic of high fashion, my mother felt that just because I'm the only one of her three sons not to have been prom king, it doesn't mean I can't be ready for the next Fiala Fashion-Fest (aka walk-off). Thus, I am now the proud - albeit thoroughly confused - owner of a nice casual blazer (picture to follow). I had to have Ste teach me how to wear it, and he told me I need to go buy some brown shoes before I can leave the house with it; I'm at a loss to think of an occasion I'll have to wear it, but I suppose I can dream up and find a use for it. I'll have to, since cousin Chelsea's blender invoked its no-trade clause when I tried to initiate a straight up swap (apparently her Cuisinart found out about the gruesome deaths the last two blenders met, sacrificed at the altar of my almighty smoothies).

So that's that for family affairs until Grams has her annual fried-chicken-on-the-dining-room-floor December birthday picnic. In the meantime, anyone who has pictures from the Hanukkah festivities send them my way and I'll be sure to dump them into my next post.

Under Pressure

(aka Congrats to Steve and Angie)

Something tells me I'm next...

Shiver Me Timbers

Here's a video that we've been sitting on for a few weeks, waiting for a day when sheets of ice are freezing across the Midwest. A time when an unassuming Toadman unfamiliar with the video capture capabilities of modern digital cameras humors the bleachers of Li'l Q-Pon's swim meet with what he thinks is an innocuously innocent Pirate pose. Eerily reminiscent of the Peanuts (Charlie Brown) cartoons he grew up reading, the football has once again been unceremoniously pulled from poor Toadman, as comprehension finally dawns upon him after a good ten seconds of "Yaaaarrrr"-ific action.

Enjoy!