Hanukkah Redux
The Festival of Lights yielded another instant classic this year. Although most of the proceedings transpired without incident, a priceless memory emerged when Ste and Angie gave Grams a gift in a Victoria's Secret bag. Little did they know that Laura had snuck a phallic-shaped gift into the bag at the last minute. As Grams rotated and shook the gift in an effort to size it up, she wisely decided to hedge her bets with the disclaimer, "If this is a sex toy, I'm not interested!" Alas, after a reaction worthy of the Kings of Comedy, the gift (actually a re-gift - Laura definitely shares my blood and is most worth of the street name Li'l Q-Pon) turned out to be a tall soap dispenser pump.
I spent the majority of the night over-eating and trying to spread the CB gospel to the non-believers. Those in most pronounced disagreement with my penchant for driving with the windows barely cracked open on the highway in 95-degree heat to save on gas with my A/C broken were not shy about calling me a moron - it's not the first time. I also had to rehash my whole half-stick of gum debate when Angie became the latest aspirant to come up short in the holy quest for the full stick of Orbit. I am unabashedly proud to say that my single pack of gum lasted me the entire weekend as a result of my economization.
Most importantly, I was finally afforded the opportunity to strut my stuff in my brand new powder-blue t-shirt emblazoned with the CB scripture of "I didn't need this shirt, but I had a coupon". I thought for a shirt like that, it should be discounted from the standard $10 charged by shirt.woot, but when push came to shove I really couldn't argue with a product that is literally "me in a T" (I'll post a picture of my idea of high fashion as soon as I retrieve it from Chicago).
Finally, on the topic of high fashion, my mother felt that just because I'm the only one of her three sons not to have been prom king, it doesn't mean I can't be ready for the next Fiala Fashion-Fest (aka walk-off). Thus, I am now the proud - albeit thoroughly confused - owner of a nice casual blazer (picture to follow). I had to have Ste teach me how to wear it, and he told me I need to go buy some brown shoes before I can leave the house with it; I'm at a loss to think of an occasion I'll have to wear it, but I suppose I can dream up and find a use for it. I'll have to, since cousin Chelsea's blender invoked its no-trade clause when I tried to initiate a straight up swap (apparently her Cuisinart found out about the gruesome deaths the last two blenders met, sacrificed at the altar of my almighty smoothies).
So that's that for family affairs until Grams has her annual fried-chicken-on-the-dining-room-floor December birthday picnic. In the meantime, anyone who has pictures from the Hanukkah festivities send them my way and I'll be sure to dump them into my next post.
I spent the majority of the night over-eating and trying to spread the CB gospel to the non-believers. Those in most pronounced disagreement with my penchant for driving with the windows barely cracked open on the highway in 95-degree heat to save on gas with my A/C broken were not shy about calling me a moron - it's not the first time. I also had to rehash my whole half-stick of gum debate when Angie became the latest aspirant to come up short in the holy quest for the full stick of Orbit. I am unabashedly proud to say that my single pack of gum lasted me the entire weekend as a result of my economization.
Most importantly, I was finally afforded the opportunity to strut my stuff in my brand new powder-blue t-shirt emblazoned with the CB scripture of "I didn't need this shirt, but I had a coupon". I thought for a shirt like that, it should be discounted from the standard $10 charged by shirt.woot, but when push came to shove I really couldn't argue with a product that is literally "me in a T" (I'll post a picture of my idea of high fashion as soon as I retrieve it from Chicago).
Finally, on the topic of high fashion, my mother felt that just because I'm the only one of her three sons not to have been prom king, it doesn't mean I can't be ready for the next Fiala Fashion-Fest (aka walk-off). Thus, I am now the proud - albeit thoroughly confused - owner of a nice casual blazer (picture to follow). I had to have Ste teach me how to wear it, and he told me I need to go buy some brown shoes before I can leave the house with it; I'm at a loss to think of an occasion I'll have to wear it, but I suppose I can dream up and find a use for it. I'll have to, since cousin Chelsea's blender invoked its no-trade clause when I tried to initiate a straight up swap (apparently her Cuisinart found out about the gruesome deaths the last two blenders met, sacrificed at the altar of my almighty smoothies).
So that's that for family affairs until Grams has her annual fried-chicken-on-the-dining-room-floor December birthday picnic. In the meantime, anyone who has pictures from the Hanukkah festivities send them my way and I'll be sure to dump them into my next post.
posted by Ryan at 2:10 AM
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