BISCUIT DIARIES: DAY 3

THREE DAYS, THREE HOTEL DISASTERS

I guess I'll never be a travel agent. As we speak, Big Mak is grousing about sleeping on the floor of a StudioPlus motel, saying that he feels like he should wear a full body condom like those seen in the original Naked Gun to protect him from the moldy carpet. Unlike last night's Mobile, AL Howard Johnson, it appears that the body odor that the hotel infects us with grows worse with extensive use of the air conditioning; the HoJo, by contrast, appeared to mollify the mold by running the A/C full tilt. Regardless, when we went for our jackets out of the suitcases before heading into tonight's Biscuits game, our noses crinkled up in disgust when we realized that the "HoJo B.O." had claimed our outerwear - as well as everything in our suitcases. We managed to beat it back by standing in front of the Philly Cheese Steak stand for an hour or so (naturally, we couldn't help but order one apiece).

Thinking our ordeal was over and better times were ahead, we found our StudioPlus (an affiliate of Extended Stay America) with relative ease, and discovered the above similar moldy atmosphere. Needless to say - in the words of P-Diddy - this problem has severely moisturized our situation. Worse, having booked this room blind through Hotwire, I arrived only to discover that our room has only one bed. Big Mak is now sprawled out and curled up in a ball on the floor with half the bed's blankets (no cots available here). We think we'll need a Glade Plug-In infusion just to survive until our Thursday escape.

The picture shown at the top is the HoJo's tennis court. It is also home to the strangest shower I've ever seen (shown below - I suppose that the second head is great for washing off crabs or other undesirables left over from a night of dirty HoJo B.O. osmosis. The pool was an eery shade of green, the balcony door was stuck shut, and there was no garbage can - we had to flush big mak's used deodorant down the toilet (thankfully it was up to the task).



Our first hotel on Sunday - the Best Western Reliant Park Inn & Suites - took fifty miles of helplessly meandering through Houston's loop-de-loop of highway spaghetti (complete with giant construction meatballs). Once we got there, we found that the promise of free wireless internet was just that (the HoJo had the same problem, even though they had a giant banner bragging about their free wireless internet). Amusingly, the Best Western neglects to provide guests with soap, shampoo, or any of the other typical hotel fineries - you have to waddle down to the front desk soaking wet in flip-flops in order to get some suds. Thankfully, I had brought last year's birthday present with me (thanks, Stevo and the Hymans) so I was set, but still upset.

The last choppy waters involve Big Mak's book bag, which he checked in Chicago. Not only did it get tagged with my name, it never made it to Houston. By the time they got it sent there and to our hotel, we were 500 miles away in Mobile.

This is not to say that our trip hasn't been a blast. Our car is sweet - a brand new Pontiac G6 that Big Mak loves to drive like a spaz, and the baseball has been quite amusing at each stop. Happily, the cuisine has been even better.



Sunday - Houston: footlong steak dog, chocolate ice cream waffle cone @ The Juice Box
Monday - Houston/Mobile: waffle & bagel breakfast @ hotel, Arby's
Tuesday - Mobile/Montgomery: crappy continental breakfast, Chick-fil-A, Biscuits & Philly cheese steak & root beer float @ Biscuit's ballpark

We caught two games today, the Mobile BayBears wrapping up a series with Jacksonville during the day and the Biscuits vs the Cubs' AA team at night. Two comebacks, with the West Tennessee DiamondJaxx (the Cubs' affiliate) blowing a five-run lead in the seventh to the Biscuits - must be an organizational philosophy.

The true highlight: Fernando Valenzuela, Jr. Just as porky as his dad, he was a pure joy to watch trying to beat out ground balls. If only he pitched.

I would have Biscuit pics from tonight's game, but I left my camera cord back home and had to have Walgreens put my photos to date on CD. Unfortunately, I didn't get their Stevo, but rather a dude in a manger's uniform who burned me a coaster full of nothing - I had to get someone else to fix it, and almost missed part of the Biscuits game waiting for them to get it right. Anyways, I'll try to get more pics onto CD in the next day or two - Biscuitville is indeed a magical place, making this trip well worth all the truly crappy hotels.

Remaining Days:
Wednesday: Birmingham Barons vs Montgomery Biscuits in Birmingham, 11:05 AM
Thursday: Tampa Bay Devil Rays vs Chicago White Sox in Tampa, 7:05 PM
Friday: Tampa Bay Devil Rays vs Florida Marlins in Tampa, 7:05 PM
Saturday: Late flight home from Tampa - don't forget to pick us up, Toad Man!